April 9, 2006
Sunday night

As you know, I was part of the support team for the Young Zulu Warriors who went on tour of Germany and the Netherlands to raise awareness and money for GGA. After three and a half exciting, successful and exhausting weeks, we arrived back "home" at GGA late yesterday evening. We had been traveling for nearly 48 hours but we still had to unload the bus of all our luggage and costumes etc!!!! To add to the pleasure, it was raining!!!
It was a great feeling to see the warm welcome waiting for us when we arrived back at GGA, all the kids and Gogo's and Aunty's and many volunteers came out in the rain to give us a hearty "welcome home."

The Young Zulu Warriors Tour was a complete success, 15 shows throughout Germany and the Netherlands in three weeks time. All locations were sold out and they had standing ovations at every one of them. They were called upon to perform many encores. They performed on professional stages in a variety of buildings, ancient cathedrals and many in city halls. They proved they were real professionals by adjusting to every environment. Of the entire cast, eleven of the younger children were from the residential care center here and the fourteen older performers came from the Outreach valley nearby. All were promised a small salary if the show was a success, which it was. They were happy because they knew that they were helping their families by earning this very much-needed extra money.

I am not sure I have ever witnessed such hospitality as I did on this tour, everything was thought of. When we arrived there was a big pile of warm jackets awaiting us at the airport. This was very necessary as it was bitterly cold and there were several feet of snow! Later the kids really enjoyed playing in the snow, as for many of them it was the first time they had ever seen snow! Later there was a lot more clothes awaiting us, all arranged by the host families. Everything was thought of, our every need was met, our Host families, full of smiles, constantly plied us with more and more food. Our every comfort was their greatest wish, they were so generous and we can never thank them enough for their wonderful hospitality and friendship to absolute strangers. We soon became great friends with them all and many a tear was shed when we left to go onto the next place.

The reality of where I have lived this past year hit home when on two different occasions, members of the cast had to make difficult decisions. A few days before we left one of the cast lost his brother but still decided to go ahead with the tour. While on tour another cast member also lost a brother, who was only 22 years old, he also decided to go ahead with the tour. The harsh reality of the decisions they both made, with pain and sorrow in their hearts, came down to hard cash, which they knew their families would desperately need to pay for the funeral expenses and their basic needs. How hard can life be? Here in South Africa, death is an everyday occurrence, in most families and is accepted as such.

I will be leaving my home here of the past year in less than two weeks, I am excited about seeing my family and friends but my heart aches when I think about leaving my babies behind. I have really missed them while I have been away on tour and I know I will miss them desperately when I leave to go home.

Just after I woke up this morning, I had a pleasant surprise, all the crèchies came to my door yelling "Mauweeeeeeeeeeeen" . I came out to see them and there they stood with big smiles and we all ended up on the ground with all them crawling all over me and giving me kisses.

I wish everything could be this simple.

My heart still aches for Phila. Every day I wake up thinking about him and I go to bed thinking about him. I will have one more opportunity to go home to visit him before I return home. I have collected many sleeping bags, blankets and warm clothes for his family . winter will be upon them soon and these items will be greatly appreciated and needed. His family will be sponsored with a monthly food parcel for the next two years, thanks to friends of Our Journey. I will purchase and take many extra food items that are not perishable before I leave; they have no electricity or water. This is the first time in my life I experienced someone have absolutely nothing, as I said in an earlier news letter. it still brings tears to my eyes saying it out loud, or even thinking about it, but I have seen it with my own eyes. The memory of my visit to Phila's home will stay engraved in my memory for the rest of my life.

My plan is to return home until January 2007. During the time that I am home I will be fund raising for Our Journey.. It isn't really one of my strengths, but I will talk to groups and to anyone to try to bring an awareness of what Our Journey is about and ask for support in this mission. Please let me know if you know of groups that would be interested in hearing my story and seeing my pictures.

My plan is to come back to South Africa in January 2007. I will be working and living in the valley at our Out Reach Center and getting involved in the Outreach Program. It will be similar work to what I have done the last year, but his time it will be in the surrounding valleys. I will still be working with babies, but I will be starting up crèches and ("Itsy Bitsy") with local Zulu woman in the valley's . I am very excited about this new work, as it will be a great challenge working and living in an entirely new environment. Most important, I will still be able to come here to Khayelihle and visit my babies on my weekends off. I feel truly blessed!!!!

Much Love,
Maureen

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April 20, 2006
Thursday morning
3:00am

Not sure where to start this. It's three am in the morning; I have been up most of the night crying with a broken heart. I was not sure I could even write this journal, or should. However, I believe it is my mission and my responsibility to make as many people as I can aware of the disparities that are so often˜common place in South Africa.

After a year of living and working as a volunteer here, I was due to leave South Africa and make the long journey home to my family in America, in the morning. I have been keeping you all abreast of my journey, my elations and my sorrows. You will recall the stories of my precious baby Phila, and may remember that I had brought him home from a hospital in very poor health and fallen in love with him. You may also recall the time many of us spent trying to adopt him to eventually be told it would be quite impossible. We were ordered by the magistrate's office (court) here in South Africa to take him back to his family (Gogo -grandmother and two sisters) six weeks ago. A family we never knew he had. I wrote and told you that although it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, I had learned that his Gogo had loved him very much and when his mother had died she, the Gogo, had probably saved his life when she abandoned him and left him at a hospital. Now at three years old she wanted him back home with his two sisters. Therefore, six weeks ago I assembled the necessary transportation, interpreters, social services and police escort (this area of the valley is remote and consumed with crime) to return Phila to his awaiting Gogo. A journey that would forever be branded in my memories. For on that trip taking Phila home to his family, I witnessed for the first time in my life someone having nothing and it tore at my heart. I knew, however, that I had to leave there. Therefore, we left Phila and his family with an emergency food parcel and I promised to visit again and bring more food and warm clothing for the family before I headed home to America on April 21. Through donations from friends of Our Journey, a monthly food parcel had been arranged for his family.

With the help of volunteers past and present I was able to collect a truck full of food, warm clothing, sleeping bags, pillows and blankets for the family since winter is almost here. After a long day of traveling we arrived near his home late in the afternoon, we saw five Gogo's walking on a dirt road and when we asked them directions to Phila's family's home, they all began talking at once. They seemed to know who we were and told us to take the child back with us. They held onto my hand and pleaded with me to take him back, that this family had no food or anything and could not care for him. We were alarmed hearing this news and quickly proceeded to their home. We found him asleep on the floor in the small and must mud hut, I woke him and though still sleepy he recognized me, wrapped his little arms around my neck and clung to me. Through our interpreter, I was told he has been very sick, lost a lot of weight, had a terrible cough and could no longer stand on his own. He was lethargic, very sad and the only words he uttered this day would be Mauweeen and please. This was no longer the happy, healthy child I left there only six weeks ago. The family begged me to take him home with me and told me I was his mother and they made a mistake in getting the magistrate to legally force us to bring him back.

You will never know how much I wanted to do just that, I also knew that if we did not do it legally it would be considered kidnapping in the eyes of the South African system and cause him more problems and potentially create a situation that would never let us get him back to the safety of the orphanage. Unwillingly, I left him crying uncontrollably, reaching out his arms to me.

Today is another day and I will be doing whatever it takes to change my plane ticket, and I will not be going home tomorrow. I will stay until I am sure the arrangements to get him back safely here to the orphanage or at least some intermediate place where he can receive proper care. There is a law in SA for children in this situation¦ they can legally be placed in a Place of Safety temporally. Please take time today to pray for Phila and pray that we can somehow arrange for this to take place within the next 24 hours. Phila has deteriorated so far so fast; I worry for his safety and health if he is not moved in a timely manner. South African time is more often than not, not the same as ours. I am meeting with our General Manger and Social Worker this morning; she has actively been working on this since we called her on our way home. I will write again, when I have more time and information on what is happening.

Maureen

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Monday, April 24, 2006

I went to the social services office where Phila is from. I wanted to see his social worker to get permission to take Phila to the hospital. She was not in the office so I asked to speak with her supervisor since she was in. After explaining our story about Phila and his condition they agreed only to let us go to his home and take him to the hospital if his Gogo agreed. This was a miracle in itself...his social worker would never have agreed. In fact, she had told us a doctor already saw him and she was handling it.

We went directly to Phila's home and found that he was not there. His Gogo had taken him for the day. The older Gogo said they had gone to see a doctor. We waited there at their tiny little hut all day. He never returned. It was late and we needed to leave for home. So we told the old Gogo we would be back the next day to take him to the hospital.

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

We showed up at Phila's home early and thankfully Phila was there, but much weaker than our last visit. He was still not walking or talking. His Gogo agreed we could take him to the hospital and agreed to come when we asked her to come with us.

An hour or so later, we arrived safely at the hospital only to find a crowd of people waiting to see the only doctor on duty that day. The obvious slowly over came us, as we realized we would never be seen that day by the doctor. I was beginning to panic! I frantically looked for someone that would remember me from my earlier visit when I was picking him up at this very hospital 8 months ago. I found a nurse and began to tell her our story. She was shocked to hear that Phila was back with his Gogo, and pungently told me that we had to get him away from her immediately and not let him go back there...again. There continues to be so many things going on that I know so little about. During this time, the community worker (not the social worker) was with us. She works with us to help facilitate the monthly food parcel program from this area and is from the area. In that it was getting late she needed to leave, she was getting worried and said we needed to find someone that will see Phila immediately. It was then a miracle takes place! She walked over to a cleaning lady mopping the floor and speaks in Zulu to her. The woman drops her mop and heads off in the opposite direction. She comes back and tells the community worker and myself to follow her. We walk into to a ward where she tells us to sit outside on the bench and wait for the doctor to finish his rounds and come by. Again, this is the only doctor in the hospital and he has not even had the time to go the emergency room yet to see any of the people waiting on him, the line or Phila. As we continue to wait, he shuffles around the corner and asks me what the problem is. I tell him everything I know from the day I dropped Phila off at his Gogo to present. He tells me he remembers me being at the hospital that day I took Phila and how healthy he was. He tells me to follow him to the emergency room, where he immediately takes Phila and begins to examine Phila. Shortly he tells us Phila is VERY sick and asks me if I know what his Gogo is? I answer yes...she is a traditional healer. He looks at me with this bewildered look and says, "NO", she is a Witch Doctor and practices witch craft. My heart, already torn to pieces, begins to sink into despair. I am in disbelief! I have been deceived! I left my precious baby in the hands of a witch doctor for seven weeks and a week longer than I should have. Who knows what this child has experienced or seen in these seven weeks? Is this why he is not talking or walking? He did call me Mama once while whimpering to the insertion of the IV. I stayed with him and rocked him until he fell asleep in my arms holding me tight.


During admittance, many of the nurses came to see him that remembered him. They could not believe his condition, all the weight loss and being so withdrawn. The head of nursing came into the room and said she remembered me taking him that day and how happy everyone was that he found a home away from the hospital after two years. I then told her his story about his Gogo taking legal action to get him back. She was in total shock and shared anther story with me. Apparently, his Gogo came to the hospital after Phila had been there a year. She said Phila's Gogo had heard he was healthy and not sickly anymore. She tried to take him back and asked the nurse how much money did she think she could get for Phila now that he was healthy. She wanted to SELL him! The medical staff refused to let him go to a known witch doctor, as they knew his life would be in danger. It is my belief this is on his social workers report, but has never been shared with anyone. If so, they would have never let him go back home. This would explain why she did not want me to go to his house, why she had been telling me she was handling it and that a doctor has seen him already. Ya, a Witch doctor! She may have some belief in this herself and that may be the reason she was worried for her life. I certainly don't understand, nor do I believe I will ever know all the answers to my questions but that is all right. I may never understand, but today I can look at it thru tears and honor My Father as he answered my prayers and gave me what I asked for - Phila's safety. Three days ago, I could only feel the hurt that Phila has suffered over the past seven days. It was a place in my head that I could not go to without falling apart.

I am going up to see him Sunday and bring him familiar things, like books from Itsy Bitsy and some of his favorite cars. He will probably be there for a couple of months then he will be placed in a Place of Safety. Will you help me pray that they let him come back here, where he knows so many people and was so loved by all.

Maureen

Ps, I will be leaving here and arriving home in the states on Wednesday, May 3.